A sexy, laugh-out-loud love story about a woman trying to save her failing lingerie business with a new product—“personal massagers” made to the specs of the spokesman of her choice! But when she falls for the first model she meets, how can she prove she’s his perfect fit?
With their business in trouble, Mia and Bryn must pull out all the stops to save their shop. Things get sticky when Mia, owner of Classy ‘n’ Sassy Lingerie, has to go on five blind “dates” to find the right model for the big marketing plan that will save the store. But they aren’t your ordinary blind dates. Mia has to test out the “goods” to find the perfect spokespenis—the model for Classy ‘n’ Sassy’s newest line of lifelike dildos.
Not realizing Mia is on a mission, Oliver Christensen approaches her in a bar and Mia mistakes him for model #1. Oliver decides to play along. But just how far is he willing to take this charade in order to get closer to Mia? And what happens if Mia’s Blind Date #1 turns out to be The One?
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“We need a new product,” Bryn said, finally adding to the conversation. “Something different.”
“Different how? Like shapers or something? Those are all the rage.”
“No. I mean really different.” Bryn stood. “We built this business by catering to two kinds of women and their significant others. The ones who like simple and classic bras and panties, and the ones who want something sexier, edgier. We have something to spark the interest of every lover, no matter what his or her tastes are, from beige cotton to red lace. But what about the women who don’t have a man? Or don’t want one?”
“Uh, you kinda lost me,” Mia said.
“Look, I no longer have a husband. And at this point in my life, I honestly have no desire to replace him. But that doesn’t mean I don’t miss a certain part of his anatomy every so often, if you know what I mean. Without giving all the dirty details, I have, on occasion, partaken in some . . . selfpleasuring. And so far it hasn’t been all that orgasmic. It’s hard as hell ordering things online. The products are never how they’re described. And it’s not like people love going to their local porn shop. So why don’t we give our customers the opportunity to shop for these beloved intimate accessories in a friendly, comfortable environment?”'
“You want to sell vibrators?” Penny asked.
“Well, yes. And other things. But I only want to carry products we know are good.”
“You volunteering to test them out before stocking them?” Mia asked.
“Why not? Our customers have always come to us for quality products and solid advice. That’s what sets us apart! And for this new venture, I want our customers to trust us in helping them satisfy this . . . need.”
Penny jumped in with her thoughts. “We can throw a launch party for the line. Keeping it classy, of course, and show women it’s okay to own these types of things.”
The wheels in Mia’s head began spinning, too. They needed something big if they were going to survive. A line of tried-and-true toys wasn’t enough. They had to offer their customers something exclusive.
“We need something special. Something women can’t get everywhere else.”
Mia remembered an ad she’d seen in the back of a lingerie catalog. A do-it-yourself dildo mold. Any woman could make a rubber replica of her man’s junk to use when he was away.
“How about selling those custom dildo-making kits? Couples can take them home and make it together.”
“That’s good. I think you’re on the right track.” Bryn’s brow furrowed as she walked to the window. “But how many women out there are like me and don’t have a model at home to mold?”
“So, maybe we can find guys to mold. Like have a catalogue of penises or something?”
Bryn spun around, smile wide, eyes all glittery like the new bra-and-panty sets that came in the week before. “No. Just one penis. One guy to be our signature penis. A spokespenis!”
“Oh, I like it!” Penny said. “He can make appearances at the store. Women can buy his replica and get his autograph.”
“Yes. Exactly! A hot guy women can meet and have a face to take home with the toy. They can chat with him, flirt, take pictures.”
“I don’t know,” Mia said, needing to add her thoughts to the conversation. “Is this really what we want for the store? I don’t want to change the reputation we’ve built. We shouldn’t cheapen it, ya know?”
Bryn shook her head. “No. I think women will love it. And if you ask me, it’s time for a change. We need something big if we’re gonna survive. Yeah, it’s a risk, but anything we do now is a risk, including sticking to the same formula we’ve used for eight years.”
She had a point. “Okay. It’s worth a shot. But if we’re gonna do this, we do it right. And by that I mean interviewing legitimate models. I don’t want some random guy who’ll get off on having his penis cloned.”
“No. We’ll have a strict screening process, including references, drug testing . . . STD testing.”
“Yep. All that.” Mia made some notes on her pad. Whoa. Back up. “STD testing? Why would we need that?”
“Well, like I said. We need to test the toys before we sell them. And I’m not going to mold random penises that aren’t any good.”
“How are we gonna test that?”
Mia knew that glint in Bryn’s eyes. And she was not going to like the answer.
“By using it before it’s molded.”
No. No, she couldn’t mean that.
“Someone needs to have sex with the models to make sure their member is adequate.”
“Why? Can’t we tell that just by looking at it?”
“No. Different girths and lengths have different feels. You can’t know how it will feel by just looking, or even touching them with your hand. Only a real live vagina can get the data we need to do this right. We need someone who can do this objectively and make an informed decision. And
since Penny is married and Grant can’t do it, that only leaves . . .”
Bryn eyed Mia, the mischievous grin back.
“Oh, no. What about you, Miss Sassy? You’re the one who said the penises need to be tested.”
“I can test the already-made toys. I can’t test the models.”
“Sure you can.”
The smile faded from Bryn’s face. “You know I’m not ready.”
“Well, I am not having sex with random strangers.”
“They wouldn’t be random. They’d be thoroughly screened. I can call legitimate modeling agencies and tell them what we’re looking for. We’ll send them for full health screenings. We’ll select guys for the final round and then you’ll have sex with them. But not real sex. Just test it out and see how it feels from different angles. Make sure it’s thick enough, long enough. Not bent or anything funky.”
“Are we seriously having this conversation?”
Penny sat there, giggling. “I think it’s brilliant.”
“No. I’m not doing it. End of discussion. There has to be another way.”
But it wasn’t the end of the discussion. And there wasn’t another way that would get them the exact data they needed.
This venture couldn’t fail. It had to be done without error.
Check out the rest of the excerpt at XOXOAfterDark:
Stephanie Haefner is a wife, mother of two, and contemporary romance novelist from Buffalo, NY. A member of Romance Writers of America and the Western New York Romance Writers subchapter, she loves creating sassy heroines and tossing them into sexy circumstances. When not writing, she celebrates her sassiness with dance and zumba classes, and her nerdiness with boybands and Disney World.
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